Today, I was supposed to get up at 6am for breakfast in order to make it into the gym for 7 and the library at 8am. That did’t happen. I got up at the right time and ate my breakfast, but saw how comfortable my boyfriend was sleeping on my bed and crawled right back under the duvet and snoozed for an extra hour and a half.
First thought: wasted morning.
Then the panic set in and I thought about the hundred and one things I had to do for university that had now been pushed to the afternoon because I’d taken the morning off.
I started to feel really anxious because I felt unprepared for my classes I was supposed to go to in the afternoon, and dithered for ages about whether or not to even leave the house. I couldn’t face the walk to university. Even walking around my flat seemed like too much effort.
The more I panicked, the more I just didn’t want to do what needed done. Today, my to-do list just looked horrid and unachievable.
So, instead of embarking on a whole day of stress and trying to get through the list, I delegated the items into sensible portions throughout the rest of the week and decided to have a duvet day.
It was incredible.
I stayed in bed and read the rest of a book I’ve been reading for months now and hadn’t gotten round to finishing because of work, and it felt amazing to be able to do something for myself without feeling guilty.
If anything, over the last few months trying to recover from my ED, the more you force yourself to do things you don’t want to do, the more unnecessary misery you put on yourself and it all builds up till you have a mini breakdown somewhere random and inconvenient.
So, I may have spent the day in my pyjamas, but I did something I wanted to do and felt much better for it. One day in bed means a quieter and more manageable week ahead. Onwards and upwards to hump day tomorrow!