Personally

What is the L-word?

Love.

How do you even begin to describe something like this?

To be perfectly frank, I used to want to vom when I saw couples being lovey dovey in public. Like, get a room, stop shoving your feelings in my face, and get out of my life.

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Yeah I know, I was horrid.

Basically I was just jealous because I spent most of my uni life as single as a unicycle wheel and had no prospects of ever finding anyone that would put up with all my quirks and problems and weird habits. – I’m afraid of the dark, which is actually more strange to people than you’d think.

My best friend has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for 7 years. They are so adorable it makes me want to cry and throw a tantrum but also hug them and pat their heads all at the same time. Their’s is basically a relationship I look up to and have always thought I’d be the luckiest gal in the world if, even by accident, I got something even close to that.

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Then, last November, something completely unexpected happened.

Long story short, I was sweating it out during a round of sprints during a circuits class at the gym, and a random lad started speaking to me.

Picture the scene… my little group of people all doing kangaroo hops while I cheat, running up and down the hall because I HAVE WEAK ANKLES AND I CAN’T HOP OKAY? Hair being far from windswept and fabulous, and more like sticky and matted to my scalp, and my breathing sounding like an asthmatic Darth Vader. I also had a giant spot that had appeared on my chin the day before, and any concealer I had put on it that day had obviously melted off my face in the sweat-drenched state that I was in.

And someone actually started speaking to me.

So me, being my naive lil’ self, thought he wanted to be my friend. And this thought process continued right through the messaging stage of our ‘friendship’, through our first date that I thought was casual drinks, right up to the moment he kissed me at my front door at the end of the evening.

And I wonder why I was single for so long?

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Thus began our ‘courtship’. We spent a little time together here and there during the Christmas break from uni, but chatted most days if we weren’t physically together. And at the beginning of February, it happened: we became official and I had a boyfriend.

Someone really needs to write a book or something on how to have one of these humans to call your own. How much time is too much time together? Is full disclosure on everything supposed to be okay or are you supposed to keep your mouth shut sometimes? Is it gross to talk about ingrown hairs with them? How long should I wait before mentioning my fear of the dark? What if you run out of things to talk about?

Last week, we said the ‘L’ word to each other for the first time, and I genuinely feel like it was one of the happiest moments of my life so far. I’d never said it to anyone before, just as no one had ever said it to me, so actually realising someone loves me for who I am just filled me with so much joy.

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He accepts me with every quirk I come with, every bout of word vomit I have about inappropriate things, every wheezy man-laugh that comes out of my mouth and eye roll directed at him, and on top of that, he makes me feel like they’re endearing traits rather than things that irritate the heck out of people.

Even when I touch his face like it’s play dough and squish him and tell him a thousand times in a row how pretty he is and how much I love him.

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Mushy stuff over. I guess feeling like this about someone means something different to everyone.

To me, it’s having a best friend who doesn’t tire of me. Someone who listens to all my ramblings without complaining. Who buys me ice cream (my favourite – Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough by the way) when I’m upset. Who plays with my hair and gives me temple rubs because he knows it relaxes me. Who knows to only put a little milk into my coffee because I’m slightly lactose intolerant. And holds my hand until I fall asleep when we have sleepovers.

And to someone else, it might be other little things that their boyfriends/girlfriends do that make them adorable, every relationship is different. I’m just glad someone fell for my spotty/sweaty self hat day back in November!

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C x

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