Personally

Time and distance are what you make of them.

‘Time is the longest distance between two places.’ – Tennessee Williams

Every day the sun rises and the sun sets, two events that occur no matter what happens in between.

We wake up, have an easy breezy day, and go to bed content when the light goes away.

Or we get up in the morning, have the sh***est day ever, and use the night to reset and restart afresh in the morning.

The only things those two days have in common are the cycle through which the sun goes, and the space of time between both- and don’t get pedantic obviously the days become longer and shorter throughout the year, but you get the gist right?

The weird thing about time is that it does completely the opposite of what you want it to. It’s the thing us humans love to complain about first if we need to set out and do a boring or menial task, or if we’re at work and can’t wait to get home.

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Or we complain about it when it goes too quickly when we want to savour every delicious minute- like when we’re on holiday, or having a lazy morning with our loved ones in front of the television (if I could spend every single day just watching Hell’s Kitchen or anything to do with Gordon Ramsay with my boyfriend I totally would…and so would you if you’d met my lil’ chopstick.)

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We can’t win with time, time can’t win with us.

But as John F. Kennedy said, ‘We must use time as a tool, not as a crutch.’

And it’s true.

8 months ago I met my boyfriend, and we spent the first few months of our relationship learning about each other, going on dates, finding out what each other likes and dislikes, and generally being in each other’s company.

Our relationship accelerated at a gazillion miles an hour, partly because of circumstance – we lived together for the best part of 2 months because the leases on our respective flats had run out and we wanted to save money on rent- and partly because we knew that he was going to be travelling South America in the summer and I’ve got a big move abroad next month.

I mean, it would have been so easy for us both to accept the fact that not long after his return I’d be going away for a year, and ending things for the sake of making the situation easier, but we did the opposite.

We relished the time we had before his travels to build a strong relationship that wasn’t going to fall apart because of distance, and decided together that the 6 weeks he was away had to be used productively and wisely.

Ultimately, we used this 6 weeks as a trial run to see if we could hack my time abroad.

It’s painful. Time difference is a dick, and when you long to be with someone, the only thing you tend to focus on is how far away they are and how long you’ve got left before you get to see them again.

46 days, 1104 hours, 66240 minutes.

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Since we started going out we hadn’t spent more than two or three days apart, so suddenly having no one to come home to after work was heartbreaking.

But it worked!

Time didn’t fly. There were 100% days where I couldn’t think of anything but him, and how I wanted to be next to him, and I actually developed a slight gambling addiction to online lottery games in a bid to win enough money to go over to South America and join him. It did not work. Don’t get drunk and spunk all your money on online Monopoly guys, it’s a slippery slope.

But the time did what time does. It passed. There was no point spending the whole time moping about things, that would have been 46 wasted days out of my entire life. I set some goals I wanted to achieve in that time, ad kept myself busy doing those- bettering myself rather than feeling sorry for myself, if you will.

We spoke to each other as much as we could, and if either of us were upset or annoyed about something we didn’t bottle it up, we talked about it and made sure any concerns were voiced. (Scrabble on Facebook Messenger is a godsend by the way.)

Yes there were tears, and yes, there was that one week I was being hormonal and bitchy and took it out on him, but that happens, and we dealt with it.

At the end of the day, if you’re in a relationship -whether it be a romantic, friendly or familial one- and one of you happens to have to go away for a while to another country, it’s so easy to forget that though the moments you experience apart are so difficult, the end goal remains the same.

You will be reunited. Together again.

And no matter what goes down during that time in between, if you both want it to work, it will.

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p.s Three days ago my 6 week nightmare ended and I was reunited with my boo. We cried.

C x

2 thoughts on “Time and distance are what you make of them.

  1. aww, this was a nice story and wise advice all at the same time. it reminds me of a few years ago when i was in a similar situation. after being with together for a year i was going away to france for a semester for an exchange program. and it was the hardest thing ever (at the time) honestly, after i had arrived i was already looking at flights to come back home, haha (i know, embarassing!) but, i didnt and we made it through the semester being physically apart. it was hard, like you said, but also like you said, we kept ourselves occupied, learned a lot about ourselves and our relationship, talked as much as we could, and looked forward to our reunion. so, anyway, i enjoyed reading this and all the best of luck to you both 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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