Life is super hectic right now.
I’m working 40+ hours a week in a pub – a job I don’t necessarily enjoy all that much (more on that in another post); I am doing shadow shifts at my local gym where I have a job lined up as for as soon as I get qualified as a personal trainer; I’m currently still studying to be a PT as well as participating in e-learning to get ahead in the start-up of my future job, and, to top it all off, I need to keep up my own training to be able to run this half marathon in May.
There aren’t enough hours in the day. As soon as I’ve been to the gym in the morning, I need to go straight home for a shower, after which I wolf down breakfast and run straight to work. Work finishes in the late evening, and so I just about have time to eat a light dinner, have a little down time and then go to bed for the whole thing to repeat itself the following morning.
And that’s on a quiet day.
On busier days I have to squeeze in a shadowing shift before training in the morning, as well as some studying while I eat breakfast before work, and after a shift at the pub, all I can bring myself to do is some reading before going to bed.
A couple of weekends ago I had a bit of a shitter.
Basically, in order to keep others happy, I double booked myself for social activities and ended up going to both, had to sacrifice studying, couldn’t make it to my Sunday 6am shadow shift at the gym, had to skip training, and had the worst shift at the pub I have experienced so far in my employment there.
On the Sunday night, I felt terrible.
I felt I wasn’t getting anywhere with my PT course- at best I was maybe getting 2 pages of work done a day, which was not where I needed to be if I wanted to stick to my goals and get qualified before May. Furthermore, I felt consumed by the hours I was having to work at the pub, but in reality, I have no choice but to do them because, well, I have no money and Mr OneBigStressball is currently paying for everything I need because I’m completely out of money.
But when I sat down and thought about it (after crying to Mr OneBigStressball and threatening to quit my job and live off him for the rest of my life), there’s a reason people talk about putting in hard graft.
‘Plans are easy to make, dreams are easy to dream. But putting your back into it? A little bit of hard graft and discipline? That is just too scary and far too much effort for the masses.’ – Chris Murray
Right now, everything seems to take up all my time and I don;t have a spare minute to do things that I can really enjoy. Even the little things that seem important to me I can’t do right now due to a lack of time and money. I’ve been living in Edinburgh for a month now and still haven’t gone to the zoo or visited the dungeons or gone on a ghost tour which I’m utterly obsessed with, but to be honest – and I’ve really had to tell myself this – I just need to be patient.
Working like this isn’t going to last forever. I know I don’t like being a barmaid, but there will be a point in the future where I can gradually cut down my hours and eventually not have to work there anymore as my client base at the gym grows. There will come a time in the future where I hopefully won’t need to worry about money as much as I am now, and going out and doing fun things will become something I can treat myself to rather than agonise over. Making my own hours at work will also mean that I’ll be able to schedule in days and half-days where I can take time to myself and switch off from the world.
For now, it’s just a matter of putting in the work. Yes, it’s tiring. Absolutely I feel like grey hairs are sprouting on my head by the second due to the pressure and stress that I feel. But at the end of it all? I will have my own business, doing something that I enjoy more than anything in the world, and I will be my own boss.
Have any of you ever been in a similar situation? How did you cope? How did you keep yourself from crawling into a corner and napping your worries away? Let me know as I don’t think caffeine is cutting it right now ha!