Hey, it’s me. Still here with the coronavirus chat. It’s been a month since lockdown and my colleagues and I were finally summoned to the inevitable online meeting that informed us we were being put on furlough.
At one point last week this was a word that Mr OneBigStressball couldn’t pronounce, and now it’s the topic of many conversations I have in the day.
I’m joking of course. Apart from Mr OneBigStressball there isn’t anyone else in the house for me to have a conversation with, so those have become limited in my life.
Anyway, it does mean that some of my colleagues and I, who cannot do our job fully from home, are now on ‘unpaid leave’ but will be getting 80% of our salaries paid by the government, with the additional 20% being topped up by the firm we work at. I am not complaining in any way shape or form, I know how lucky I am to be getting my full wage, it’s just such a weird situation to be in.
So, this week, my routine disappeared and I feel like a teenager during the summer holidays again. Sleep in till midday? Check. Do absolutely nothing because I feel a complete lack of motivation? Check. Pick fights with people I live with because I’m bored? Hmm…not quite there yet but give me some time.
Instead of giving you a summary of my thoughts this week, I’m going to write about a few things I’ve learned. I may not seem to have done anything but read books and scroll on social media in different positions and places around the flat in which I live, but my brain has actually been doing some pondering, and I’ve come to a few conclusions. Some important, some perhaps not so much.
- I am able to sleep anytime, anywhere, except for at night, when I’m supposed to, in my bed. My daytime nap count has grown to an all time high over the last week… I think on one day I fell asleep at least 4 times, for at least 20 minutes each time. Sometimes even longer. They were lovely little snoozes, don’t get me wrong, but when it came to actually having to go for my big night time sleep, it took me 3 hours to drop off. I’ve always known of my abilities to sleep in the day (it started when I worked in Spain as a teacher and fully embraced the siesta life as it was too hot in the afternoon to ever do anything other than lie down, and then this habit kept going when I was working long hours as a PT and got into the habit of running home between clients and getting 40 winks in) but 4+ naps is impressive. Even for me.
- I can confirm I am no longer a shopaholic. Guys. I’ve become a fully fledged adult. The little strap retainer on my Garmin broke, and I was really frustrated as I use the thing to track pretty much all of my physical activity and so immediately began to scour the internet (Amazon) for a replacement watch, justifying the purchase by telling myself I had the money in my savings anyway. However, as the minutes passed, I thought about the bigger picture – saving for a house to settle down in; travelling; starting a family etc – I ended up clicking ‘add to basket’ … on a couple of strap retainers themselves, rather than a brand new watch. This is a massive milestone for me as I have been known to make big purchases without thinking about it first. Proud moment, guys, proud moment.
- I’m making big steps in my ED recovery! (More on this in a future post after lock-down and everything when my brain is working properly.)
- Writing a book is fucking hard. I have a 6 month deadline, of which I am into week 2, and I have been able to shirk away from doing any work for it whatsoever for the last two days. Do all novelists find it this intimidating to get started? All the ideas and characters are in my head but getting them down on paper makes my brain freeze faster than when I go HAM on an ice lolly.
- I have some pretty toxic people in my life and it’s only just now that I’ve come to realise just how badly they affect my anxiety. I used to blame my anxiety on literally anything I could that meant I wouldn’t have to face up to the real roots of my problems – work has been stressful; it’s been a really long day; I’m just tired and that’s why I’m feeling overwhelmed – when in reality a lot of what’s going wrong is down to the people I associate with and choose to spend my time with. Upon reflection however, I have realised that the major operative word there is choose and that there really is no reason I need to have certain people in my life. They’re just there, occupying space in my life that, to be honest, they don’t really deserve, and if I don’t take stock now and start removing them from my life then I never will. So many friendships tend to stay that way out of convenience, but, if there is no mutual respect or affection of any kind there, then why on earth should it continue?
- I can eat a whole bag of Penn State Sour Cream and Chive pretzels to myself and I’m damned proud of it.
- Sometimes in life we all wonder if particular choices made were the right ones, and I have come to the conclusion that deciding to have my gel nails removed at the end of February to ‘let my nails breathe’ was by far one of the best decisions I’ve accidentally made this year so far. I’ve not had to go and frantically buy the stuff needed to soak them off, nor have I had to witness the agonising stage of growing them out, which has saved me a lot of nail-picking and fretting. First world problems, I know, but I’m really glad I made that choice when I did.
I want to end this blog post on a high. We received news just a few days back that my mum is feeling better and is on her way to a full recovery (she even made a 30 second appearance on my friends’ and I’s pub quiz on Thursday night). This has definitely been an unrelenting weight on my shoulders for the last few weeks and I am eternally grateful to whatever powers lie above, if there are any. Or, you know. She was just really good at resting and making sure she wasn’t around anyone else. Who knows. I’m just happy she doesn’t sound like she can’t breathe anymore.
Keep staying at home, and stay safe everyone!!